Presenting a Dialogue of My English Class in Two Parts
Part I
GIRL: So, like, I think this poem related to this book I read, I don’t know if you read it? It’s called Antipodes of the Feminine Soul and I just thought I’d mention it cuz I read it and, like, it’s a book that I read. And so I thought it was important cuz it shows I read like, outside of class, you know? Like, I’m an English major and I read too! (giggles vapidly)

TEACHER: That’s really cool. I’ve never read that book, but I’m sure it’s really good. I’ve heard of it; I’m sure it’s really good.

GIRL: Oh, it’s really good!

TEACHER: It’s good?

GIRL: Really good!

TEACHER: Cool! So why do you think it relates to the poem, again?

GIRL: Well, in the poem there’s, like, an analogy to food, and the novel was about food. Like the wife cooked and when she was happy the love made the food better, made it taste better, you know?

TEACHER: (nods and grins vacuously) And?

GIRL: And I got that, like, sense of love from this poem too so I just thought since I had read the book I should… (trails off for no discernable reason)

ME: (makes note to never listen to girl again)
*****
Part II
GIRL: (totally off track) Like, I don’t know if I’m totally off track, but I had a different, um, reading of those stanzas.

TEACHER: Go on, don’t be afraid.

GIRL: I thought they were about, like, sex and I just found them to be very sensual.

TEACHER: (looks around. No one has reacted. Then, excitedly, as if saying something new) We can talk about sex in this class! Don’t worry about bringing up sex, it’s no big deal! Everytime someone mentions sex y’all, like cringe, but we’re all adults and there’s, like, no reason to not talk about sex (turns to girl) Go on.

GIRL: (gives clearly unhinged interpretation involving the representation of uteruses by shoes. There is no mention of shoes in the stanza, but this does not concern her)

TEACHER: Uterus shoes! That’s crazy! I didn’t know about uterus shoes! You kids and your, like, crazy slang. What will you think of next (laughs while waiting for a reaction)

GIRL: I learned about it in, um, a Medieval Literature class at another college and so I thought that, like, it might apply to this Chinese guy’s poetry.
ME: (dies)

TEACHER: (enjoying sound of own voice) Uterus shoes! Outrageous!